Are you kidding me? Absolutely not.

Note: This post is more rambly than normal. I'll have to clean it up later after I'm more rested.

So, all of my Skype-active friends have already heard this gripe, but here it is again. So, today I was helping out our Program Admin (as I often do -- always good to be friends with the Admin) who will be referred to as Blanche. Anyway, so I got two rather gripe-worthy entries:

Plug and Play?

Apollo Electric (the first name will probably only make sense to me, the last name will make sense as you continue reading) wants more RAM for his laptop to run some of his applications. This is a perfectly valid request. I offer to help him find some RAM. I find him a 2GB DIMM and tell him that he can probably install it himself (mistake 1) and to return the old DIMM to me (his Lenovo T60 only has two slots). He does so and tells me that he's at 3GB now, and if he may, he'd like another 2GB to swap out with the existing 1GB to bring him to a total of 4GB. I give him the second one.

He installs this one, comes back, and then says he isn't seeing 4GB RAM (doesn't say what he is seeing though; in retrospect, I should have asked); and is pretty convinced that the DIMM is busted (or something else similar is wrong). I give him the benefit of the doubt (mistake 2), and say that I want to run an experiment and swap one of the older DIMMs he just handed me to see if something's damaged; maybe either the slot itself or the DIMM. So, without actually checking to see what the computer is registering (read: mistake 2), I say we should swap the DIMM he just installed (that of questionable function) with the previously installed 512MB DIMM.

To make a long story short and without going into detail (that would make my head explode with rage), he is impatient (perhaps for good reason, such as getting back to his work) and makes bizarre assumptions that are not helpful and would suggest solutions that basically amount to: give me a new laptop/buy me new hardware. Oh, and here's the kicker: while we're doing all this, he asks me if we can swap out the RAM DIMMs while the COMPUTER IS STILL TURNED ON.

Wait, I lied. This next part is rather minor, but as I'm already on a roll, it is worth mentioning. As Apollo is leaving, he asks me how to access the BIOS. I say that it's probably the blue ThinkVantage button built into the keyboard. He says it doesn't work, and that he thinks it's probably F2 or F8, which normally wouldn't be a bad assumption or guess... except for the fact that that's what the computer loading screen instructs. I then ask him why he thinks it's F2 or F8; he says that's what he's used to... on other computer platforms. Nevermind that different manufacturers often use different keys to get into BIOS... but no, he says he's sure.

All of these points taken individually (with the exception of the hot-swapping RAM) wouldn't be cause for such griping on my behalf, but all at once? That's a lot to take. Continuing on...

Yeah, that's a Blocker if I ever saw one

So, this other guy (I'll call him Arty Bloch) comes in and asks for a mouse -- he doesn't have one and it's "blocking" his work. This seems fairly reasonable; he's new and maybe he was issued a desktop that didn't come with a mouse (happens all the time in exchanges around here). So, I ask him if he has a laptop, to which he responds that he does (-> WTF?).

I ask him if his touchpad or mouse-nubbin (actually called a pointing stick or, when on an IBM/Lenovo, a TrackPoint) is broken. Arty says no, but he can't use those and it's really slowing him down. I tell him that I'll look and then inform him when I've found one because I have to finish some other tasks first. He agrees and saunters off to his mouse-less land.

Mr. Bloch comes back in half an hour and repeats his (somewhat) weak and pathetic story about how he can't use his touchpad. I drop what I'm doing, look around, don't find any extra mice, and then tell him as much and that'll I'll let Blanche know to order more. He says this is really blocking his work. Somewhat exasperated, I unplug the mouse that I'm using and give it to him. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? CAN'T USE THE TOUCHPAD?!?

Okay. I should take a step back. Maybe he does graphic design work, or somehow plays FPS as a function of his job here. Let me give you a hint: he doesn't (to both). As a side note, I knew a guy who could AWP pretty well in CS with a mouse-nubbin. It was on an IBM ThinkPad, not entirely dissimilar from what we use in our office. He was, of course, the exception.

More importantly, look at what's become of me: this is what I complain about. I should be complaining about why I didn't punch her in the stomach or something.


Figure 1. Are you sure? Because, otherwise, that's a great idea... for an idea.

P.S. Yeah, I made another figure without referencing it. It should be pretty obvious why I put it in there. Oh yeah, and suck yourself.

Oh, THOSE status reports?

Yes, those fucking status reports! These are the same status reports that I collect every Thursday and have been doing so for the last four or so months. These are also the same status reports that I have been specifically reminding you, Johnny Bistro (Johnny B. for short), about for the last four weeks. You know, the same status reports that EVERYONE calls you out on in person in our weekly meetings.

Yes. I'm glad you'll finally start updating your status reports on Thursdays, starting this week (hopefully).

In other news, there obviously isn't a guy named Johnny Bistro working here. That would be awesome, though, on the order of working with folks named Cornelius and Sally Mae.

Another pet peeve - proof-read your shit!

I often get requests at work for things which I don't mind, because in some ways, I'm really just an intern. I do mind, however, when these requests are either unclear or in some way internally contradictory... because that means I have to spend some effort interpreting or mind-reading the requestor. For example:

____

Sent: Tue 3/24/2009 4:12 PM
Subject: Sally Mae* onsite tomorrow... needs badging
Body: Hi Andrew,

Can you please provide Sally Mae with detailed directions on the badging process. She will be arriving Thursday later in the afternoon, onsite Friday, and through the weekend and into next week.

Cornelius*

____


*Names changed. Sally Mae sounds like a co-ed you can take advantage of and Cornelius simply sounds fucking awesome.

This may sound minor and people (like Cornelius, the sender) may be really busy, but how busy are you that you can't spend five seconds to proof-read something and then fix it?

Gasp! A post!

So, as those around me know, I keep saying that I'll start blogging about my experiences at work and all the of the unfortunate situations I find myself in while in the office... so, I guess I'll start by easing into it.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people decide that they need to touch a computer display to point something out. I guess I understand that there's a certain tactile sensation to it that perhaps metaphysically (or not) connects the pointer to the pointed item... but otherwise, I feel that it's completely unnecessary. Whether it can damage a relatively soft LCD is questionable, but it WILL leave a greasy fingerprint -- SO DON'T DO IT.

Moving along... so here at work, there is a snack section. It just so happens to be near my desk. For a group of our size (at least 50 people, probably more), the snacks disappear quite quickly. There are only two snacks that don't: beef flavored ramen and Reese's peanut butter cups. Thankfully, I like both of these, so it works out for me.

This makes sense: beef probably isn't so common in India (a lot of our group members are straight from India). The peanut thing is a little stranger, given my American-centric view of the world. Peanuts, and peanut butter in particular, appear to be preferred by Americans only. I remember whilst in Germany I was asked about what we, as Americans, put on our toast in the morning. I said that besides jam and butter, we use peanut butter. Some of my lab colleagues didn't even know what that was, so I had to explain the idea of a peanut spread. To the others, I received only a quizzical look as if to ask "But... why would you do that?" So, from that experience, I have drawn a tentative conclusion that Germans don’t enjoy peanut butter. As it turns out, those colleagues were heading to the US for an ACS conference, and for fear of putting peanut butter on their toast, they all packed Nutella (which is delicious, so why not?). Another data point: I did learn later from one of my professors that one of his lab colleagues fresh from Germany had discovered peanut butter and became instantly hooked. The guy gained a noticeable amount of weight as a result.

Apparently, peanuts aren't as common in Thai cuisine as an American might think from eating Thai food... so says a Thai acquaintance of mine. He is, however, kind of sociopathic (in a literal and not figurative sense) and kind of a close-minded moron, so I don't know how inclined I am to believe him.

So, based on my limited observations, I guess I can add India to the list of places that don't enjoy peanuts with quite the same gusto as America. Yes, there is no real point to this blog post, but I’m bored, so why not?