12 August 2009

So, Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus...

I could just write a more conventional review of the movie, but instead I'll just write a checklist of things that are in the movie. Perhaps this will sway your decision to watch it:

1. An explanation as to why why the shark gets to be mega and not the octopus
2. Tons of scientific sounding jargon
3. Lots of food color chemistry
4. The Golden Gate bridge gets destroyed
5. Bad clip footage (see 8)
6. A retired/washed-up stripper as the female lead (Vivek: Doesn't she look like a retired stripper? Me: ...no, Vivek, I don't know what you mean
7. Snarky/sarcastic male lead (who reminds me of the main antagonist in Kindergarten Cop) complete with an inappropriate (for his station) suit, ponytail, and sideburns
8. Amazing use of clip footage (see 5)
9. A transforming fighter plane (goes from an F-15 to an F/A-18 to an F-22)
10. A tender love scene between a Mega Shark and a Giant Octopus
11. Amazing one-liners
12. An Asian male romantic lead hooking up with a Caucausian female lead... in a broom closet
13. Silver ties
14. Some bad spelling
15. Snakes + Plane << Giant Shark + Plane
16. Bad CGI
17. Weird and bizarrely awkward sexual tension scenes
18. Massive advertisement for the incredibly exciting and adventurous lives of oceanographers. See more below.

This is a list on "Why you should be an oceanographer;" they get to:
1. Use skills from a range of disciplines, including: philosophy, physics, chemistry, and biology (with a focus on marine biology)
2. Pilot submarines
3. Act in some capacity as G-Men
4. Effectively outrank a ship's captain (or in this case, boat); at least in the Japanese submarine fleet (which is super-secret)
5. Wear silver ties as a badge of office
6. Hook up with "hot" (depending on your preference) women

Seriously, if this movie is a realistic depiction of what they do (and according to the "Making Of" special feature, realism was a strong focus), I'd want to be an oceanographer.

I wonder what tropes are in this movie...

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